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SEPTEMBER
"Knowing I will break a cycle is something that makes me feel some worth..."
I have debated in my mind whether to write a letter, since it must seem like the message of your letters are on repeat constantly. But I decided to do so. Whenever I start to describe my admiration and love towards Alice in Chains, it is one of the few times I am brought to tears. Your music and message have been my survival, and that is something that only this music has been able to accomplish at any point this far in my life.
Many people look from the outside of this lifestyle dubbed Rock, Metal, etc. and say that it itself is what fuels teen angst, violence, and the corrupt ways of society. But from my own life story, that belief is profoundly wrong. The adults that surround me try to enlighten me and tell me, "You are only 14. You will out grow this teen angst and see how wrong the things you surround yourself with are." But these words I'm writing are not coming from teen angst because I possess very little. I am not some enraged teenager that feels I can make an impact on the world by showing people how fucked up I can be. I am what my past has forced me to become, and what saviors in my life such as yourselves had saved me from.
Not so long ago, I started to smoke pot and drinking. I was fortunate enough to realize just what path I was leading myself down, and put down smoking pot. But I was still finding it hard to quit drinking. I kept hearing this voice deep within me saying that if I didn't stop now, I would end up exactly what I said I wouldn't. One night I got plastered and passed out, but when I woke up a picture had fell off my wall. It was a picture of my dad. This somehow shook me away from alcohol. I came to realize that I was becoming everything I detested and that I was becoming his photo-copy. If my father has ever shown me anything, it's the power of an alcohol addiction. And at that moment, I began being sober from drinking as well. But I still felt urges. My body was still yearning for something to soothe this pain that I couldn't subside. Razorblades became my closest friend, and yet again I started down a bad road.
One night I finally revealed to my dad something about my past, something that has scared me until I die. And as he revealed to me something I could have never expected about his past, my rage and depression came to a peak. In my life I went from never letting myself deal with my reality, to attempting to open myself up so it would cease to eat away at me. But this tactic only proved to be just as bad. I got the few things I revealed shoved back down my throat. I felt as if anyone I turned to would just do the same. So off I went. I went and used my best friend to help myself feel better. But then a song came over the stereo that somehow spoke to me unlike never before - "Angry Chair."
I had already fell in love with Alice in Chains, and I often listened to this song while I smoked or cut, but somehow it touched me within my soul now. I laid in my blood crying. I couldn't believe how I had fooled myself so greatly. I kept saying in my head that I had the upper-hand in my life. I was the one who was going to grow into something other than these people around me. But how stupid could I be? To believe such a selfish lie. I was the spitting image of all these people, just wrapped in a different package. This is the day in my life that I found the true beauty of Alice in Chains. I see peers that have bands that they 'worship' for a month or two, but then they change their minds. I can say with no hesitation that Layne Staley and Alice in Chains will forever hold my heart.
I never thought I would get the chance to see you play, but now that you have come out of hiatus I bought tickets to a show very close to where I live. I look forward to October 21st when you play here every morning when I wake up. People can say that I am messed up and sick as much as they please, but you keep me alive. Knowing I will break a cycle is something that makes me feel some worth, and seeing musicians as gifted as you lets me know that you can take you problems and turn it into good. I will forever help keep my hero Layne Staley's legacy alive, and fight to show that just because life doesn't deal you a perfect hand, doesn't automatically equate to failure.
Thank you for the hope you have given to me,
Lindsey
"He had the voice of Layne..."
My best friend Brandon
McDonald died in a tragic bridge accident in Lowell MA on
Saturday September 23. He was only 22 years old. I'm writing to you guys because
he was hands down the biggest AiC fan on the planet. When we heard about your
tour we bought tickets to every show around the area. We first saw you in Boston, then at the Casino Ballroom at Hampton Beach,
then we bought 10 row tickets for the show at the Tweeter Center
towards the end of the summer. We even have tickets for your Halloween show. I can't
even possibly describe how much it meant to him to see jerry ripping out to "Them
Bones," "Man in the Box" and "Sludge Factory" at the Casino
Ballroom when we were only five feet from the band.
He had the voice of Layne,
and would sing Alice
in Chains covers whenever he had the chance. Your music was such a big part of
his life, and he loved to express it. But sadly he's not going to be seeing
your show this Halloween, and his funeral is set for this Thursday September
28th. His family even put a picture of the band on the poster we made for Brandon for his wake with
the lyrics from "Down in a Hole."
Thank you AiC,
Nico (Brandon's right hand man)
"This time I listened closely..."
When I heard you were going on tour again I was in shock. I never thought I would get a chance to see you guys live, I still might not because I’m having a hard time getting tickets but at least I’ll never give up hope that there will be a chance, even if I miss you now, to see you at all.
When I found out that you were out of hiatus I couldn’t wait to get a hold of you guys and let you know how much you’ve influenced me and thank you for helping to save my life. I just wish I had the chance to thank Layne as well but I thank him every night, whether he can hear me or not.
When I turned 20 I was already on the road to destruction. I spent all day smoking weed and all night drinking (around this time I started listening to Alice in Chains heavily and Layne was already gone). When I turned 21 my tolerance for partying increased and I decided to up the ante. I started taking ecstasy and railing lines of cocaine. I got to be about the same level as a normal coke head and could go through an eight ball in a night; usually I had three a week. There started being a point where that didn’t do it anymore either, and instead of resolving to fix whatever my issues were I deduced the next level should be heroine. During this time in my life I listened to the album Dirt non-stop. I’m not blaming you guys for anything; I am and was fully capable of making decisions for myself, but I used the songs on the album and the words Layne and Jerry wrote as a sign that what I was doing might not be normal but it was okay. I remember, vaguely, one night in particular…
I had already done earlier that day quite a few lines of blow and was drinking heavily, me and my “friends” popped an e pill each and snorted one as well. I was always happier being high when I was alone so I told everyone I was tired and wanted to go home. At home I proceeded to snort a button mixed with 2 oxys. All of this was in a matter of three hours. I started to roll and spin and I remember lying on the bed with the Dirt record repeating in the background and the last song I remember hearing was "Godsmack." I didn’t think I was going to wake up.
20 hours later I heard a knocking echoing through my dreams. I rolled over and realized that I was still alive. I started crying, if not from annoyance of still being alive then the fear that I had almost died. I was confused and in so much pain. The knocking continued as I tried crawling out of bed. Hardly able to stand and my head throbbing I made my way to the door. I stopped just before the frame and knelt down. My heart was pounding against my chest like an angry child trying to break through my ribs to escape. I threw up bile, blood and white foam. I made it to the door just to get the pounding to stop. It was my dad. I felt angry at him for being there, for feeling my head, for being concerned, for throwing the fact that he loved me in my face. My temperature was 105 degrees. I told him I had a flu slammed the door in his face and fell to the floor. Still dry heaving and spitting up foam and blood I got enveloped into the music. What just started to play? "Godsmack."
This time I listened closely, wondering how Layne and Jerry had led me so astray. Then I realized something… you guys weren’t trying to say “Hey it’s okay, get high, it’s normal” you were saying “Do it once and you’ll be stuck… stay away from this shit”. I don’t know how I missed it the first time but I vowed that this shit had to stop. I should’ve learned from Layne’s mistakes instead of trying to repeat them.
Since then I have met a wonderful man who has made it easier for me to stop taking drugs. He kept me away from the world when I was coming off and stayed by my side through my continuing struggles. We are planning on getting married in a year, but I want to make sure I’m clear minded first.
I’ve been sober for eight months now. And I’ve apologized to everyone I’ve hurt. I wanted to let you guys know that even though I do make my own decisions and I had to come out of the darkness by myself, you guys helped me to stay on the right path (once I finally understood your directions). I have a tattoo on my ankle of the AIC sun and Layne’s name in the center, everyday that I hear him or see his face I remember just what I had put at stake and what he gave up so I wouldn’t have to. Your words resound in my head and Layne’s voice echoes it perfectly.
Thank you for saving my life.
Michelle
"...having a generally excellent childhood, riddled with the fantastic music..."
I've got to say, I never thought I'd see another Alice in Chains tour in effect and though I never had the chance to see you guys (I live in Alaska) your music has affected me nonetheless.
Though I was quite young when grunge was king, I specifically remember listening to the rock station here where songs like "Got Me Wrong," "Would?" "Them Bones" and "Man In The Box" dominated the station's playlist. I remember rummaging through my dad's tapes and finding quite a nice collection of early '90s bands and constantly playing them everywhere I went. I couldn't get enough! And then there was Alice in Chains, where the previously stated songs struck me in a way that few songs do. I remember hanging out with my friends and just blasting these tunes and having a generally excellent childhood, riddled with the fantastic music of the times. I imagined myself standing up on a stage and playing to thousands of fans with music that means something to me.
I eventually picked up the guitar for that reason and practiced in an almost unhealthy manner. I can say it paid off extremely well, as of now I'm forming bands and bonds with people who feel the same way I do about great music and the exciting energy that goes into crafting something that was thought to have "died out." Though grunge has disappeared from the mainstream, there are legions of people who still find that there was a time when rock was approached differently by people who just wanted to be themselves while making something they felt was right. I can definitely say that I am one of those people and while I may never become heard of or famous, I am doing what I am doing solely for the fact that I love to play and create music that inspires and means something to me and Alice in Chains is a big part of that.
These days I own just about every Alice in Chains CD and they are constantly rotating in my CD player, reminding me of a time when I was young and a memory that I never forgot because these songs bring back that same emotion. I just wanted to that thank each one of you for giving me music that keeps these memories alive. Keep doing what you love. God bless.
A Fan For Life
Ian
"...you are my remedy."
So to be honest I am not a HARD CORE Alice in Chains fan....or at least I didn't used to be. My brother and cousin on the other hand have spent countless nights discussing Layne and Jerry and the music and the lyrics and so on, but I never really got the obsession myself. Well, I borrowed an Alice in Chains CD from my brother, so I could hear something besides "Man In the Box" and just see why Alice in Chains had impacted them so much. So I listened to it over about a months timed and decided that it was good...really good...but still nothing to go CRAZY over.
Then in July I lost my father. My whole world changed, and it continues to. But I will never forget when I went to my dad's house, my brother (who lived with my dad) was just sitting in his room watching Alice in Chains Unplugged. It was that night that I became entranced by Alice in Chains, the emotion in Layne's voice was just undeniable and it just touched me. My brother and I (who have never been close) were just sitting and talking about how Layne didn't just sing about it, he lived it. And though I am partial to Jerry Cantrell, I am not sure why I just think he is amazing, I had never seen anyone sing quite like Layne Staley. From that night on until I had to come back for school I watched the Unplugged video and still every time I go to visit my brother (who is still living at my father's house) I watch it.
There is something about Alice in Chains that has touched me deeply. They have helped me get through the past few months and there are just no words to describe how much I have come to love this band. I just wanted to thank everyone involved with this band and Layne (God Bless him). I should probably also say that a few days after my father died my kitten that I had gotten the week before did too, and my friend brought me a small kitten that we named Layne in memory of Layne Staley ...just to show our appreciation for the band. Thank you Alice In Chains, you are my remedy.
Emily
"...huge influences in my own music career."
Hey guys,
My name is PJ. I live in BC and I'm a huge fan. I've been a fan ever since I was little when I heard "Man In A Box" in a movie. Of course I was to young to know about you guys. So I never fully knew about you guys until a couple of years ago. I think you guys are awsome. I've been through some rough roads in life and when I'm down the first thing that comes to mind is to listen to "Down In A Hole" or "Man In The Box." Jerry, thumbs up to you're singing and guitar playing, You and Layne are huge influences in my own music career. Thanks so much for the music you made, it has had both helped me and inspired me. Best of luck during you're tour.
Thanks!
PJ
"I've bought your CDs more times than I can count."
I'm a fan from way back I haven't been able to see you guys in concert but I'm hoping this time around I'll get that chance !!! I love your music and I've bought your CDs more times than I can count. I know I've bought Music Bank more than five times. I've burned your CDs out just by listening to them over and over again!!
I'm an old man, not dirt old yet but I must say I'll probably be listening to your music as well as other excellent musicians such as yourselves way past 80 if I live that long. I do believe that as an old man I'll be the only one screaming "Turn that damn music UP!!" I have young step-sons and they always tell their buddies loud music is what I live for so so much for getting on that nerve. Not that I plan on going deaf anytime soon but I do love your music !!
I went on your website and found some of your lyrics but I didn't see all of the lyrics up. I was hoping that the guys who put that together could put up all of the lyrics like that song "Fear The Voice's " and " Lying Season" and "Died" if they're available!!!
Of all the fans you have and the millions of fan letters you get I don't want to come off looking like a p.i.a. but do want to thank you for all you've done and look forward to what your gonna do !!
Tawk at 'cha then & be safe!!
Wicked Willie
