Backstage with Baldy
Charlotte – May 4th
How does a typical post-show bus ride go in Aliceville?
First off, at some point during the day, the bus is re-stocked with whatever foods and drinks are lacking.
Sometimes during the show if I’m not too busy filming or taking pictures, I’ll run some of the guys’ stuff from the dressing room out to the bus as well.
Then, late in the set, the band’s after show food arrives and is put on the bus for them to eat on the drive.
And finally, the band members get on the bus after the show, and we’re off.
This is usually the point in the day when the guys are able to do some of their best work in terms of making fun of me.
A lot of times this will revolve around the fact that “There’s nothing to f*#@ing eat” on the bus, despite it being restocked earlier in the day. Occasionally I forget to actually restock it and they have a valid point, but either way I’m getting called out.
It takes a few hours to wind down, so most of us sit in the front lounge and talk or watch TV and eat the after show meal, or they’ll pick at some of the nothing that’s available on the bus to eat.
A lot of times this ends up being my favorite time of the day.
Sitting around relaxing, listening as the guys take the old Hall & Oates song I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do) and rework the lyrics to be about my bald head and obsession with Mountain Dew.
And of course whenever there’s a truck stop thrown in the mix it’s pure unbridled joy.
Why? Because about 75 percent of the time, Jerry will walk out with some ridiculous shirt or hat for me or another crew member.
For anyone who’s ever been in one, you know that truck stops are where good fashion goes to die, so couple that with Jerry’s love of dressing the crew up in stupid stuff, and it’s a match made in heaven.
(By the way, if t-shirts with pictures of wolves on them is your thing, then head to your nearest truck stop.)
So after a couple of hours sitting, talking, eating, TV watching, and truck stopping, it’s time to go to bed.
Notice that I didn’t say sleeping.
Sleeping on a bus remains a difficult task to accomplish, mainly due to rough roads, but most of us are able to get a few hours of rest, it’s just never solid.
And the final chapter of the bus story?
Pulling up to the hotel early in the morning, getting out of my bunk, and being greeted by a flurry of profanity laced insults by Mike Inez.
It’s kind of like waking up and turning on Good Morning America, except that it’s hosted by a longshoreman. With Tourette’s Syndrome. Who’s in prison.
And that’s a typical bus ride with Alice In Chains…