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Backstage with Baldy

George – September 7th

Every day people all across the world deal with real life issues at work.

Issues that can be important, and vital, and even dangerous.

Within the insular world of Aliceville, I deal with important and vital stuff as well.

What was the important issue at the Gorge show yesterday?

Mike Inez’s wet pants.

I know that there’s injustice and strife and brutality and horror out there in the world.

And I know that millions of people have jobs that require them to contend with it.

But in my world, Mike Inez has wet pants, it’s only a couple of hours until showtime, and the drying options are limited.

How did his pants get wet in the first place?

Well, there wasn’t a washer and dryer available at the facilities, and the ones that the Jane’s Addiction camp carries with them were in use all day, so I had to resort to the old fashioned sink wash.

That left an extremely wet pair of jeans that needed to dry, and the clock was ticking.

So I began the long process of wringing them out, which worked to a point.

Then they went from dripping wet to soaking wet, and the little hamster in my brain wheel began to sprint.

There was no sun out at that point. What to do?

Hair dryer!

Have you ever tried blow drying a pair of denim jeans? I haven’t.

Turns out that it’s a time and energy consuming process, and I didn’t have either, so I employed some assistance to help me out while I took care of some other stuff, and upon my return I found that 10 minutes of blow drying a pair of jeans results in 10 minutes of wasted time.

So plan B was hatched. Hang them from a fence outside, since the sun had started to peek out from behind the clouds.

Two hours later, I checked back and found that the sun and a slight breeze had made a little progress, but not much.

Now we were getting closer to showtime, and since these were Mike’s gig pants, the pressure was on.

I was left with one logical move, which was to steamroll my way into the Jane’s Addiction camp, commandeer their dryer, and sneak back to our dressing room with a pair of toasty warm pants in my possession.

Much like any good war movie where the hero has to sneak behind enemy lines and steal the documents, I had to somehow maneuver these pants into a foreign dryer and back out safely, and it wasn’t going to be easy.

Actually, it was extremely easy. The dryer wasn’t being used at the time, so I just put the pants in there for 40 minutes and it was over.

On the bus after the show, Mike said that the fans at the Gorge were the best we’ve seen so far on this run.

I agree.

I don’t imagine that any of the thousands of people in attendance watched the show and thought, “Wow, Mike Inez’s pants look clean. And dry! Baldy sure does quality work.”

But in my mind, I know that I played a small but vital role in assuring that the show went on.

And now you do too.

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