Backstage with Baldy
Hartford – August 10th
A few weeks ago at the conclusion of the Canadian tour, the band stopped off in New York to shoot a video and do some press.
At the end of one of the interviews, Jerry was asked to record an anti-bullying public service announcement.
I wish I had a copy of that PSA to play on the bus, because Sean & Mike really need to hear it.
Before I delve into what I’m getting at, let’s discuss the anatomical makeup of a tour bus.
There are four main areas in a standard tour bus: the driver’s area, the front lounge, the bunk area, and the back lounge.
There are automated sliding doors at the front and back ends of the bunk area, so you can basically seal off the sleeping quarters from the lounges by hitting a button and closing the doors.
So let’s circle back around to the bullying I endured last night on our way to Hartford.
As usual, Sean & Mike & I were in the front lounge talking, and of course any amount of talking will inevitably lead to some verbal abuse being heaped on me.
This is so common that I can’t even remember what we were talking about, but at some point Sean and I both made our way back to the bunk area.
His bunk is closer to the front lounge than mine, so I went to pass him on my way back up front, and he stuck his ass out and blocked my way. I kept trying to fight my way through his ass blockade, he kept reasserting the obstruction, and eventually I quit trying to pass and went back to my bunk. Shortly afterward, Sean went up front and hit the button to close the door behind him.
There’s a button on each side of the door, so after he hit the lounge side button and closed the door, I hit the bunk side button to open it again, and then the torture began.
For a good two or three minutes, I’d hit the button, the door would get about three or four inches open, and Sean would hit the other button, closing the door and keeping me locked in the bunk area.
Meanwhile I can hear Mike in the front lounge cackling like a hyena.
Finally I had enough and figured I’d play my trump card in this war of attrition; I dropped to the floor and peeked under the door at Sean’s feet.
I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of thwarting me any longer, so I figured I’d just wait until he walked away, then I’d hit the button and enter the sweet freedom of the front lounge.
After about a minute of staring at his stupid shoes, they finally shuffled away, and I sprang to my feet and hit the button.
The door slowly opened…and closed right back up again.
I’m not sure how he made it back so fast, but the dirty bastard got me again, and I crumpled to the floor, a broken man.
Hearing my whimpers of defeat, Sean opened the door and allowed me into the front lounge, where he and Mike took great pleasure in making sure I knew how funny it all was. (It was actually kind of funny, but screw those guys anyway)
Okay, maybe this doesn’t qualify as bullying, but it has to be about the dumbest form of aggravation I’ve received since the grade school game of keepaway.
I feel a bit foolish relaying it on to you, but the bigger picture is that Sean and Mike need to have the bright glare of public scrutiny shined on their transgressions.
I’m not sure how much of a bright glare the dim bulb of this blog can provide, but this injustice needed to be brought to some kind of light.
A new tour, and another 2 months for these guys to try and destroy my spirit.
And so it begins…(again)
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Backstage With Baldy
There’s only one bad thing about a great time – it eventually has to end. Touring for The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here has been a great time. And like every great tour, it has to end somewhere, sometime. And somewhere...