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Backstage with Baldy

Noblesville – August 23rd

Human behavior is fascinating to me.

Why do people act the way they act, and do the things they do?

Why do people do things in packs that they wouldn’t do by themselves?

And most importantly, why do people scream things at Jerry Cantrell from seats that are 50 rows back?

I see and hear stuff at every single show that would either be too difficult to describe in a few paragraphs, or just too obscene to write about in a blog that my mother reads.

With that being said, I heard something so fantastically foul at tonight’s show that I couldn’t pass on mentioning it.

It would be uncouth for me to relay what I heard, but suffice it to say that a female fan in the Indianapolis area has some very specific ideas of how she’d like to spend some time with Jerry, and she clearly has no problem letting people know about it.

I watched the first half of the show from out front, then shortly after hearing this woman’s lustful declaration, I returned to the dressing room, washed my ears out with soap, said three Hail Marys for her, and returned to the stage for the rest of the show.

Somewhere along the way it dawned on me that there’s a line that gets drawn along occupational fields in terms of how a person expresses their admiration for a job well done.

Sometimes that admiration and appreciation comes in the form of tipping. Sometimes it’s a recommendation of services. And sometimes it’s just a simple thank you.

But then you pass into the entertainment field, and suddenly people like to express their appreciation in a less clothes-y manner.

I think the guys that painted my house last summer did a great job. But it never dawned on me to throw open a window as they were doing it and shriek at them how badly I wanted to *^%#@! them.

For what I hope are obvious reasons, that’s actually a pretty bad analogy, but for the sake of argument I’m sticking with it.

Because there are two other factors that play into this besides the fame angle – mob mentality, and beer.

It’s been well documented that people behave differently in groups than they do individually.

Inhibitions get lowered as a person’s anonymity rises within the framework of a large group.

And once you add booze into the mix, all bets are off.

So I suppose that if I had 5 shots of Jägermeister in my living room followed by 6 more beers in the kitchen, I might declare my love for my housepainters after all.

I wouldn’t want to do to them what this woman wanted to do to Jerry, but I’d be more willing to invite them in for a sandwich at least.

So I guess with all of that factored in, what the woman screamed at Jerry wasn’t so out of the ordinary after all.

It still doesn’t explain why she would think she had any chance of being heard by him from that far away, but that’s a discussion for another blog.

So while you’re digesting this fascinating topic, I’m off to have a few cocktails and phone my housepainters…

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Backstage with Baldy

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Tour Dates