Backstage with Baldy
Prague – July 8th
Every day, regardless of who you are or what you do, you’re faced with choices to make.
They can be small and relatively inconsequential, huge and life changing, or somewhere in between.
We had a night off in Prague, and Jerry was presented with a business opportunity that he needed to decide on, with very little time to think over.
We were staying in a hotel near Prague’s Old Town district, which is a huge tourist area.
Jerry was out walking around when a young woman approached him and inquired if he would like a “sexy massage”.
Sexy massage? Who wouldn’t like a sexy massage?
That offer leads little to the imagination, but in all honestly, those two words sandwiched a third word that might melt the internet if I printed it in a family friendly blog, and that third word really drove home with pinpoint accuracy exactly how sexy this massage was going to be.
Jerry declined the offer and kept walking, opting instead to purchase a sausage from a street vendor.
It was pretty easy for Jerry to say no to the prostitute and yes to the street vendor, but sometimes when you spend a good portion of your life on the road, you’re presented with choices that you really don’t have much of a say in.
I’m talking about laundry.
Doing laundry on tour is really about opportunity. You don’t get a lot of optimal chances to do it, so you have to jump when the occasion arises, which basically leaves you with no choice in the matter.
Which oftentimes leads to a post-laundry game show called “Whose socks are these?”
The inherent danger in turning your laundry over to someone else, regardless of what country you’re in, is that something is going to go missing or get mixed in with someone else’s load.
We send out laundry out with explicit instructions to do each bag separately, to avoid the possibility of things getting mixed up.
But more often than not, when it returns, the band spends 10 minutes exchanging socks, underwear, and the occasional shirt with each other.
We’re currently in the midst of a defcon 1, red level emergency in which Jerry is missing three pair of underwear, William is missing a shirt or two, and Mike is in possession of so much wrong laundry that he could open a used clothing store.
It’s like someone poured the contents of our laundry bags into a giant laundry piñata and smashed it, then randomly bagged up everything on the floor.
That’s when the band has another choice to make; whether to complain to me or not.
That’s an easy decision, and one that I’ve come to expect.
Which brings me to the final chapter in this topic of choices; whether or not I choose to listen to the guys when they complain.
And much like Jerry’s reaction to the offer of a pleasurable, full combat massage, I choose to listen briefly, then I disregard what I’m hearing and move on.
Thankfully the band members choose to ignore my insubordination and not fire me.
Life really is all about choices.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go sort some socks.
I could really use a sexy massage right about now…
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Backstage With Baldy
There’s only one bad thing about a great time – it eventually has to end. Touring for The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here has been a great time. And like every great tour, it has to end somewhere, sometime. And somewhere...