MiindOfDestructiveTaste:

shaggyDA:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Laura, I liked your poem. You've got talent. I'm gonna put my nuts on the chopping block now & throw one of my own out there! I don't care about getting criticized ( Hell, I could probably use the feedback, positive or negative!)     --Jaded--

 Shafts of light flow down like hesitant prayers/ dry my sullen tears

Teetering at the cliff of re-birth/wary of my footing

I take no headfirst dive/ mine is a careful descent toward mysterious waters

Glancing back with dubious departure/ I arrange myself beyond the radius- a familiar stranger once more

At times, trajectory intersects with fellow souls/ But ultimately we walk alone when night defeats the day

Boots are mired in the mud of apathy/ potential throttled by the absence of action

Will I transcend this dark decay? On the surface, all acidic wit and sarcastic grace

Sowing seeds of discontent with treacherous hand, I will tend to my bitter harvest

and anticipate Death's welcome embrace... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Damn! Took me long enough to respond...but I'm back now, and must say I enjoyed it. No need to sacrifice your nuts, haha - I approve! Very interesting use of free verse.

And, thank you!

- Laura

Thanx for the feedback, Laura. When are you gonna give us another taste of yours? I really liked your first one (perhaps another installment of the same poem? I think you said that was the beginning of one long piece). There were some other ones I really enjoyed--too numerous to list individually. Did you ever think this thread would take off like this?Here's another one of mine I just finished.

                    Cathedral Tombs

Centuries old and blind with time--the storm of propaganda brews

The rain like acid pelts the servants crawling like sacrificial lambs

Toll the bell that beckons the throng--the blood of the poor erects cathedral tombs

like great bastions of light darkened by mankind's eclipse

The cosmic joke ensues--a moral code tempered by the paradox of free will

Instinct pulls like gravity's stubborn appeal upon the wretched souls of the faithfull

Denial often breeds perversion--sacraments lost in convenient mistranslation

Crown the mischevious messiah and fatten the purse of priest and pastor

as they bask in the profit of blind faith

Pass the plate and reserve your ticket to the afterlife...

(Hopefully, no one is too offended! This happens to be how I feel about most organized religion) 

I like this one.         "Love Calls Us To the Things Of This World"   Richard Wilbur

    The eyes open to a cry of pulleys

     and spirited from sleep, the astounded

    soul

    Hangs for a moment bodiless and

    simple

    As false dawn

    Outside the open window

    The morning air is all awash with

    angels.

     Some are in bedsheets, some are

    in blouses

    Some are in smocks; but truly there

    they are.

    Now they are rising together in calm

    swells

    Of halcyon feeling, filling whatever they

    wear

    With the deep joy of their impersonal

    breathing

    Now they are flying in place

    conveying

    The terrible speed of their

    omnipresence, moving

    and staying like whitewater, and now

    of a sudden

    They swoon down in so rapt a quiet

    That nobody seems to be there.

    The soul shrinks

    From all it is about to remember

    From the punctual rape of every

    blessed day,

    and cries

    "Oh, let there be nothing on

     Earth but laundry,

     nothing but rosy hands in the rising

     steam

     and clear dances done in the sight of

     Heaven."

     Yet as the sun acknowledges

     With a warm look the worlds hunks

     and colors,

     The soul descends once more in bitter

     love

     To accept the waking body, saying now

     In a changed voice as the man yawns

     and rises

     "Bring them down from their bloody

     gallows;

    Let there be clean linen for the backs

    of thieves;

    Let lovers go sweet and fresh to be

    undone,

    and the heaviest of nuns walk in a pure

    floating

    of dark habits

    keeping their difficult

    balance."