bionicanna:

you dared to transmit an image of the almighty GOLB!?!?  he said the pen adds ten pounds.

rofl!!!!!!!!!!!

I transmitted an image of GOLB, and you know what? Still here! GOLB's tough guy act, heh, nothing. 

Day 14 (Thursday)

So close to two weeks with Alice. Wow. Never thought I'd make it this long. I guess I barely did, I mean, Anakin just jumped into the Force, but in an attempt to even out the plot, I had to weaken mine, so I'm not even a Padawan yet. But then again, Anakin did have like super-Force powers, so I don't know. I haven't watched Star Wars in a while, actually, I need to get around to that at some point. Whatever, just saying, I'm stunned I'm still here with the guys. Well, the first couple of days, they weren't with Alice. I guess this is kind of like the AiC concert problem. I'm really only at, what, 10, 11 days or something, then?

Whatever. On to today. Hopefully this thread's level of funniness will stop decaying like Ne-17 and will return to a stable isotope. Since Ne-17 is the least stable thing I can think of.

Jerry- "Did you guys know my sword's black?"
Me- "Yeah, I've seen it."
Jerry- "It's so long, I have to use both hands to do anything with it."
Me- "That's cool. You ever get it stuck in anything?"
Jerry- "Yeah, I tried to put it in the trunk, but I couldn't shut it, so I had to try to get it back out, it took forever."
Will- "Teenagers..."

Me- "Ford Taurus drivers are notorious Buckcherry fans. Check the CD case."
Will- "Damn it Creep, get your head out of there."
Jerry- " Break me down, got a lovely face, we're going to your place..."
*laugh*
Will- "Stop it, I hate that song!"
Me- "Aw, that's great, you guys have to cover that song, I'm serious... Hey, didn't that come out in 06? How do you know it?"
Jerry- "Oh, I wrote it. They must have stolen it from me."
Me- "Really? You wrote Crazy Bitch?"
Jerry- "Of course! Can't you hear my influence in it?"
Mike- *sighs and puts in 15*
Me- "Track 7."
*listen to song*
Me- "Damn, I never noticed it before. That has to be Alice in Chains."
Jerry- "Any Chains fan should be able to tell you that."
Will- "Wait a minute, guys. Let's play the chorus again, did you hear that?"
Me- "Huh? Will, stop being so old, he said bad words, oh no. Whatever."
Will- "No, there's a voice under it."
Mike- "I heard it too."
Me- "Well, turn it up, and play it again."
Radio- *very quiet under chorus* "My name is Sean Kinney. I'm playing in Buckcherry until my band gets free and comes to find me."
Me- "Damn! So who's in Godsmack?"
Jerry- "I'm pretty sure Chuck said that he only emailed, not that he said he was Sean. I guess I was wrong."
Me- "Nah, they probably ripped his drumming as close as they could, not your fault."
Mike- "Are you kidding? He's in Buckcherry?!"
Me- "Hey, I like them! Everyone rips on 'em, but they're a good band!"
Will- "Yeah. Right."
Me- "I bet you'll all like them a lot more knowing Sean was behind them."
Mike- "... I doubt it."

Me- "So, even in my dream, no one ever said why Russia."
Will- "We figure, there must be some kind of device there, to control the robots from location."
Me- "Makes a lot more sense than most of this."
Will- "Yeah, this is our first semi-real idea. So, if we find it, I'm sure they'll be packing the gear up to go to Canada, right?"
Me- "Yeah."
Will- "So, we grab the geeks working it, force them to tell us how to use the robots, and take over the world."
Me- "Really?"
Will- "Yeah, I mean, we're the only people in the world capable of stopping robots. If we get our hands on some, everyone's screwed."
Mike- "Seriously, though, are we doing that?"
Will- "I haven't decided yet."
Me- "Cool."

*land*
Me- "So, what goes on in Russia?"
Will- "You ever read War and Peace?"
Me- "I tried, but stopped because... Oh shit."
*crowd of people comes up to us*
Jim- "Hi, I'm Jim."
Joe- "And I'm Joe. Welcome to Russia."
Jack- "I'm Jack. I don't like some people here, you'll just need to remember which ones."
Janis- "I'm in love with Joe, but this is the only time I'll say anything related to that, so you need to remember."
Jake- "I'm Jake. I like to pretend I'm friends with everyone, but when they're not around, I'll say something different, so you need to remember who I pretend to like and who I really do."
Joe- "My name's Joe too. Just to make this even more fun than the same letter thing. But I don't like you guys, remember that."
John- "I'm royalty from a bizarre place no one cares about, but I expect to be adressed as such."
Josh- "My dad's sick, or it might be Jack's, I don't know. But if it is mine, I'll probably have to leave to see him every now and then."
Mike- "Shit."

*following crowd along side of cliff to city*
Me- "Well, this sucks. Um, what did Jason say again?"
Mike- "I don't think there was a Jason, was there?"
Me- *grabs head* "Ugh, I can't do this..." *extends arm* "I'm going to put all of them except for one in another universe to make this easier."
Jerry- "I don't think you can do that with the Force."
Will- "Yeah, but being the official geek here, if you're a Planeswalker, as long as you didn't go all Tefiri and seal a rift, you can do that."
Me- "Really? ... Yeah, I guess you can't do that with the Force. Oh well, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this... Jerry, did you grab everyone's swords?"
Jerry- "Yeah, here's yours. You know, your sword is longer than Will's."
Me- "That's pathetic, man."
Will- "I'm sorry, was I supposed to be offended by a weak sword joke?"
Me- "Man, you old people are really no fun. I bet you'll love this, then." *calls ahead to crowd* "Hey, um, Jake, raise your hand."
Jake- *raises hand* "Ok... Why?"
Me- *points sword* "Save Jake. Charge!"

*a few minutes later*
Mike- "So, that was the first thing you could come up with? Kill them all except for one?"
Me- "No, it wasn't my first idea. I wanted to send them to another universe, but that didn't work out. And I've been thinking about how do deal with a situation like this for a few months, ever since I read the first 100 pages of War and Peace."
Will- "Couldn't you have asked some to leave?"
Me- "You old people are so into your peace and love crap... Of course not! That would be rude!"
Will- *stops* "I'm getting sick of all your old people cracks, Creep."
Me- "I'm getting sick of you being old."
Jerry and Mike- "Ohhh!"
Will- "That's really what you think? You're superior to us 'old people?' I think you're in for a shock, Creep."
Me- *sinister grin* "No, I think you are." *pushes Will off cliff*
Mike- "What the hell?!"
Jerry- "Did you seriously just kill Will?"
Me- "Yes! I've been a robot all along! Finally, I can kill you all, and no one will know!"
Jerry- *brandishes sword* "That's why they always knew where we were! They always found us! You told them!"
Me- "Oh, yeah. You've figured it all out."
Jerry- *starts to swing, but stops* "Where do you keep your RAM?"
Me- *laughs*
Mike- "Dude, she's screwing with you!"

Me- *raises arm* "Man, you're as bad as him." *Will starts appearing over edge of cliff*
Will- "You think you're so funny. 'Oh, look, I have the Force, I can do anything!' That's not how it works! You're just a short, pale, geeky teenager who acts badass!"
Me- "I'm the one saving your ass, man."
Will- "And you wouldn't be if you didn't have this god complex!"
Me- *puts Will back on ground* "My child, you could thank me for saving you."
Will- "You pushed me off the cliff in the first place!"
Me- "Not my fault. You asked for it. You should be glad I saved you, mortal, instead of letting you fall."
Will- "I hate you guys."
Jerry- *shrugs* "I thought it was funny, once I saw, I don't get your problem..."

Jake- "Thanks, guys, I didn't like Jim, Joe, Jack, or Janis, so you really helped me out there."
Me- "Um, no problem, I guess. Is there somewhere around here that the American government's been spending a lot of time?"
Jake- "Oh, yeah. Keep following me."
Me- "Where were we going before?"

We came up on a few small buildings, like the ones outside Home Depot. There were some people outside, so we hurried and ducked behind a bush.

Tech 1- "We saw you! You're it!"
Me- *looks out* "Huh?"
Tech 2- "Wait, you guys aren't playing, are you? I don't remember programming the robots to play hide and seek with us."
Tech 1- "Something funny is going on... AICBots, get over here, now!"
Jerry- "Um, ok."
*walk to them*
Me- *whispering* "Ready... 3... 2... 1... NOW!"
*all grab the Techs*
Tech 1- "No! What do you want from us?"
Will- "We want to control the robots."
Tech 2- *laughs* "Oh, I'm sure you do. Hell, we all do! You know what, I'd like to fly, too, on top of it!"
Me- "What?"
Tech 2- "You haven't heard? 4 of the 5 Robots are unresponsive! And the last one, we programmed some powerful AI into it, and you know what? It's like a human now! It feels, it thinks, everything!"
Me- "You're kidding."
Tech 2- *laughs again* "Yeah, I'm kidding. Everyone's kidding. There were no robots. Nothing is real! The world is a lie! We don't exist! There is no universe! It's all just one giant load of shit!"
Tech 1- "Tech 2's been hitting the vodka a little strongly lately, after the Robots haven't responded. But he's not kidding. The one known as Will, he's learning. We can't control him. The other 4, Sean, Mike, Jerry, and Baldy have all died."
Jake- "Those are the names of the people in Alice in Chains, and the guy with them. What's going on?"
Will- "Well..." *explains story*
Jake- "Buckcherry? They're playing the Kremlin tonight!"
Me- "The Kremlin?"
Jake- "Yeah, they're huge here! I have four extra tickets, now that Jim, Joe, Jack, and Janis are dead. Want to come?"

This is Will completely enjoying my joke.

thenegativecreep:

I transmitted an image of GOLB, and you know what? Still here! GOLB's tough guy act, heh, nothing. 

consider yourself lucky.  he likes the attention.  just nothing from the 80's. 

thenegativecreep:

Me- "Yes! I've been a robot all along! Finally, I can kill you all, and no one will know!"
Jerry- *brandishes sword* "That's why they always knew where we were! They always found us! You told them!"
Me- "Oh, yeah. You've figured it all out."
Jerry- *starts to swing, but stops* "Where do you keep your RAM?"
Me- *laughs*
Mike- "Dude, she's screwing with you!"

from her own mouth ladies and gents!  yeah i know it was a "joke."  where do fembots keep their RAM?  wouldn't you like to know!

Aw, really? I was going to post a picture of GOLB from back in '86, big hair and all, but since you said no, I have an explanation for the lack of pics today

I really hope these stop sucking soon Oh I am using the one day, just messing with it a little, to turn in for English... I figure, eh, it's like 10 points, and she won't give you less than 8 if you do it. Hmm. Like I'm really gonna write a 5 page paper when I have this

Day 15 (Friday)

Me- "Ok, so all I have to do is..." *clicks Will icon on computers* "Ok, I'm in. Now, you say he won't listen?"
Tech 1- "Yeah."
Me- "Well, let's try something new." *crtl alt delete* "Damn!"
Jerry- *reading off screen* "You must be logged in as an administrator to view AIC004's processes."
Me- "Umm... What about..." *opens Add/Remove Programs window* "Nothing!"
Jerry- "Looks like there's nothing we can do."
Me- "Wait!" *opens Disk Defragmenter* "And... Defrag. There."
Tech 1- "It went? It doesn't matter, those robots have so much RAM, he'll only be minorly slowed. And he'll just be faster afterwards."
Me- "Unless we find him now."
Jerry- "And he can't have that much RAM if it's built off Will."
*laugh*
Will- "So funny..."
Mike- "It's ok, man, you're old, so you don't have to have a large RAM. No one wants to use your RAM anymore."
*laugh again*
Will- *looks at sky* "RoboWill, we're over here, come on, make this stop..."
Me- "It's ok, man. I don't have a large RAM either. You don't have to be suicidal about it."
Jerry- "She's right, not everyone can have a long sword like me."
Will- "Damn it, guys..."
Mike- "A long black sword like Jerry's..."
*keep laughing*

We went to the Kremlin to see the concert. We kept an eye out for anyone who looked robotic, since RoboWill had to have changed his RoboSkin after getting burnt on the bus. No one really caught our eye, though.

Buckcherry- "Buried way beneath the sheets, I think she's having a meltdown..."
Me- "Quiet song, this is when we sneak backstage! Go!"

It's actually more easy to get backstage than you'd think.

Buckcherry- *in Russian, which they speak* "Ok, we're taking a short intermission, we'll be back in 15."
*come backstage*
Mike- "Sean!"
Sean- "Mike? Jerry? Will? Dudes! You're ok!"
Jerry- "Yeah! How'd you get here?"
Sean- "Man, you wouldn't believe it! Canada saved me! They took me back to their country, and I hooked up with Three Days Grace for a while, since I think they're Canadian, until Buckcherry called me and offered me a spot drumming for them!"
Will- "That's cool, man! Creep and Jerry made us listen to Crazy Bitch-"
Sean- "Yeah, sorry about that, Jer, but we were short a song."
Jerry- "Yeah, it's cool, man."
Will- "And we heard what you put under it."
Sean- "Good idea, huh? And it's not on the radio version, so most people don't know."
Me- *looks at door* "Damn you Will, RoboYou is here."
Sean- "You know about the robot stuff?"
Me- "Yeah. I've been helping everyone out. We should probably go, before he sees us."
Mike- "Ah, we've killed all of them before with no problems. Why should we run?"
Me- "Good point. As long as his RAM is big enough to hit, we're good."
Will- "Ow, that hurt me so much..."
*man jumps out behind us and stabs a roadie*
Me- "What the hell?"
*another man jumps out*
Will- "AI! Let's run!"

We made it out. The security, which apparently wasn't that attentive, started fighting RoboWill's assassins. Yes, they weren't just mercenaries. They were assassins. We're great enough now that we aren't murdered, we're assassinated. We have passed the line of importantness.

Me- "Ah, that's why this will keep going. RoboWill is smarter than the other robots and will take longer to kill."
Will- "Just like me in real life..."
Jerry- "No, not really. I remember you getting your ass kicked by Creep. I managed to kill RoboBaldy, but you got pwned by a teenage girl."
Will- "She has the Force, though!"
Jerry- "She didn't use it to push you, though. You're just an old man, get over it."
Mike- "And you have a small sword."
Will- "You guys are getting so annoying."

Me- "We need to stop somewhere and steal a car."
Will- "Here."
Me- *Force open door, start car* "Ok, jump in!"
Will- "Let me drive."
Jerry- "So we can go 15 under the speed limit? No way. Floor it, Creep!"

*heading east*
Me- "If we go through Alaska, we can go back to Canada and pick up Mike Starr, completing the pentinity, which will give us an insane amount of power against the robots."
Will- "That doesn't sound right."
Me- "I know what you mean... BALDY! If they had a RoboBaldy, we need to find the real Baldy to complete this. Then you can be a hexinity."
Will- "Ok, point for the Baldy thing, but I meant the whole pentinity thing. And hexinity. Those sound wrong to me."
Jerry- "I'm cool with it."
Sean- "Yeah, me too."
Mike- "So, the important question... How are we getting to Alaska? Hitting the ramp, then Forcing the rest of the way?"
Me- "That's my plan."
Jerry- "You'll pass out at the wheel, switch me, I'll drive."
Me- *jumps over seat* "Good thing we stole another 5 liter Stang, or we might not be able to make it all the way to Alaska."
Jerry- *takes wheel* "Ok... Hold on..." *fly off ramp* "Yeah!"

How suspenseful... Will we make it? Or will we all crash and drown? You'll never be able to guess.

thenegativecreep:

Aw, really? I was going to post a picture of GOLB from back in '86, big hair and all, but since you said no, I have an explanation for the lack of pics today

damn!  he was smokin' hot back then. 

thenegativecreep:

How suspenseful... Will we make it? Or will we all crash and drown? You'll never be able to guess.

i'm guessing that a watery grave awaits.  but ursula might save them . . . for a price.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcP4406SpxU 

Really? His eye had acne, I don't know, it was a turn off for me. Whatever you're into.

It's short, and it sucks. But that's not worth saying anymore, since the last couple were the same way. The best part of this is the last picture. The best part is a little too broad, it's the only good part.

Day 16 (Saturday)

So we're in the air and all, but my Force starts running out halfway.

Me- "I don't think we're gonna make it."
Will- "Of course we are! We have to!"
Jerry- "Well... It's been fun, guys."
Me- "Yeah, this has been great... I don't really think you're old, Will, for the record..."
Will- "Yeah, I knew that."
Sean- "I never even got to meet Chuck Norris..."
Me- "Chuck Norris! Chuck, can you save us!"
Chuck- "I've been waiting for you to ask."
*car lifts up higher*
Chuck- "I'll keep you going until Alaska."
Me- "Thanks!"

*on ground*
Me- "Well, that was close."
Grizzly Bear- "GRRRR!"
Sean- "Ahh! He's been trained by the Canadian Gangsters to find us!"
Jerry- "I'll get it!" *pwns with sword*
Me- "Cool. We have evaded danger for the time being."
Mike- "Yeah. We're good for the rest of Alaska now."

*Canadian border*
Me- "Shit!" *hits brakes*
Will- "What?"
Me- *points* "Look! There are Canadian Gangsters gathered up to the line like a bad video game!"
Jerry- "Damn!"
Sean- "Wait, I know what to do."
Me- "What?"
Sean- *hits Enter to bring up dialogue box, types WRATH OF THE GODS, then uses God Power Meteor a few times to clear out the Gangsters*
Me- "I haven't played AOM in a while, cool."
Sean- "Yeah, I love that game."
Me- "Hey, want to use PANDORAS BOX a few times until we can use Shifting Sands to get across?"
Sean- *repeats process with new cheat* "There."

*in Canada*
Me- "Let's see what CDs we have now." *hits radio*
Radio- "Was tust du? Was fühlst du? Was bist du? Doch nur ein Tier."
Me- "Dude, this has to be my car. How'd it get to Russia?"
Jerry- *looks* "Yeah, this is your car. I don't know. I guess you and it are so close, it followed you."
Me- "Hmm, ok. I was getting sort of twitchy without it."
Will- "Wait, that means..."
*see a Mountie barricade farther up the road*
Jerry- "Shit, I forgot we blew a bunch of shit up here."
Sean- "Really?"
Mike- "Yeah, we pwned a Best Buy or something like that."
Sean- "Sweet."
Me- "Hey, Mike, where's Starr at again?"
Mike- "Really close to that Walmart we tore out of."
Me- "So we have to go down this road... What's that?"
Jerry- "Dude, there's a Power Pellet in the middle of the road!"
Me- *hit it* "Come and get us, Mounties!"
*Mounties turn blue and start running away*
Me- *hits all of them* "Yes! No damage to my car!"
Will- "So you've played video games all day?"
Me- "Of course."

Jerry- "Oh no, they've sent space ships after us!"
Me- *hits button on dash* "Hurry, hold down the Turbo Atari button!"
Jerry- *holds it down*
Will- "I used to have a turbo Atari controller..."
Me- "Stop being so old."
Will- "You had one too, loser! And you know Space Invaders owned with it!"
Jerry- "Done! Let's get out of here before I have to kill Ganondorf."

Mike- "We're here."
*get out of car*
Me- "So we just have to walk through the forest until we find his place?"
Mike- "Yeah."
*see Starr shooting one of those Dig-Dug things with that strange gun from it*
Jerry- *runs up and helps*
Starr- "Thanks, you don't know how stupid it feels to use this thing... What the hell does it even do? Is it like shooting air or something?"
Jerry- "I have no idea. Are you ok?"
Starr- "Yeah... So, you guys made it?"
Mike- "Yeah, we did. We still have to find Baldy, though."
Starr- "You already did."
Will- "What?"
Starr- "*points at me* "Is she not following you around and telling people about your day?"
Will- "I never thought of that. I guess you're right."
Me- "Hmm... So there never was a real Baldy? It was only a robot the whole time?"
Starr- "Yeah. The only Baldy is evil. You are the one meant to follow the band."
Me- "Cool. Ah, if only someone would listen to that..."
Starr- "Something's coming. Everyone, join hands, we must complete the hexinity!"
*join hands*

Mwahaha you'll never know what the hexinity does until tomorrow.

Us leaving Russia.

Jerry pwning the gangsta bear with his sword.

Baldy's great, I know! It's a joke!

I'll do the small print thing, just between you and me and all, but... Come closer... Don't tell anyone, but this isn't really happening. It's all a joke.

NOOO!?!?!?  Really!?!?!? Must be losing myself in the story!    LOL!  Sorry, just defending the Baldy!

Off topic, so I'll whisper (come closer) - liked your comment to that jerk with your post of "A Question That Needs Asked" - WAY TO GO CREEP!!!  Glad the mods locked that jerk's post!

Yeah but it was only a partial compliment, you had to correct me, you couldn't just leave it