Day 17 (A Tuesday Very Far From the Last Day)
After turning in a totally butchered version of Day 6 for English, we had to peer edit, and on the first day, I got a "Just... Wow." and a "You bring shame to your family." with the advice that I kill off Will for "being such a pansy." The next day, I got told that it was "Boring and monotone." Today, after having them take it home for the night, I got told I am "the only person who could pull something like this off." I did have to ask her if it was meant to be a compliment, because I took it as one. However, she liked it, and my 25% success rate inspired me to continue.
To quote Colbert- Spoiler alert- it's awesome. But not that awesome. Just... Tolerable. You know. The usual... That part of the quote was mine. Actually, it's probably worse, because the first two or three, well, all of 'em did, but the first few really sucked. So I'll have to get back into it. If I do. Who knows. I got hit with some rare inspiration.
So, we left off with the whole hexinity thing, right? It sort of messed up the space-time continuum a little, so it's just been one day. Deal with it. Actually, it's really been like 15 seconds. But what the hell, you guys are young and smart, I don't need to explain it all to you, right? Ha, yeah, right. Just turn up the Shopping Network a little more and drown out all questioning thoughts, there you go.
*ground shakes*
Me- "Here we go!"
*minivan appears next to us*
Me- "What the hell?!"
Jerry- "Are you kidding me? THIS is supposed to save us? Maybe if we need to take all of our kids to soccer practice or something!"
Mike- "Mr Furryboots, here kitty kitty, our ride's here!"
Starr- "Wait, I forgot my dentures!"
Sean- "I'll drive, nothing over 20 mph for this baby."
Will- "It's not that bad!"
Me- "What, you have one, old man?"
Will- "Something was coming, remember? Get inside!"
Starr- "Nah, I made that up, we're good."
Me- "Sooo... I'm walking."
Jerry- "Yeah... I just can't see myself getting in that, sorry."
Will- "Damn it, guys..." *climbs in*
Me- *starts walking away* "Maybe this is like part of it or something. For lazy people. But if we look around, there's more. This can't be it. What the hell are we going to do with a minivan?"
*everyone follows*
Will- "Hey, guys, get over here! This is sweet!"
Me- *yells back* "I don't care if that thing's faster than my Mustang, I am NOT getting in it."
Will- "It has hyperspace! I'm not kidding!"
*stop walking*
Will- "What else... It can turn invisible, it can dive underwater, it has a Blaupunkt system in it..."
Starr- "Shit. I feel like turning back."
Will- "The back seats fold down... There's an atlas of the multiverse in the back netting... Someone left a quarter in the glove compartment..."
Sean- "Eh... I don't know..."
Will- "Tractor beam... Torpedos... Leather interior... Ooh, it looks like someone put a lowering kit on it..."
Me- "It's still a minivan, but... Ugh... I don't know what to do..."
Will- "Cupholders... Shrinkray... Fold down DVD player... Sunroof... Sweet, it has 8 robotic arms..."
Me- "Damn it!"
*all walk back*
Me- *puts hood up* "Let's go and get this over with before someone sees us..."
Jerry- *puts on shades* "Where are we going?"
Will- "Well... I don't know. Normally Chuck decides for us."
Me- "Um... We have to kill RoboWill still, and we should probably do something about the gangsters..."
Mike- "Let's hit your place. It isn't on any maps, I mean, technically, your place doesn't exist, with the counties and all. And there aren't any gangsters for miles."
Me- "Good idea."
And that was pretty much it. We all lived happily at my place, the band started working on some demos in my basement for a cd they planned to call Botox, all that. Peaceful. But, as some of you probably don't know, something happened last night. Something very bad for this story. Remember how we killed RoboBaldy, and realized that I was the true Baldy? Well, somehow, RoboBaldy posted on here.
Me- "Guys, get over here! RoboBaldy's back online!"
Will- "Damn! RoboMe must have fixed him!"
Jerry- *stops warming up and puts down guitar* "We knew something would happen. What can we do?"
Me- *thinks* "Wait. RoboBaldy was the one Jer qwned, right?"
Jerry- "Yeah."
Me- "So there's no putting that one back together. That means RoboWill either built a new RoboBaldy from scratch, OR... The admins are in on it."
Will- "You're kidding."
Me- "No! Think about it! They could have just posted as Baldy!"
Mike- *walks up* "She's got a point. They have to be in on it. They're trying to hide it from the public. That's why we haven't had a Baldy chat in a while, and I'm sure the only reason it's gonna take so damn long on the new cd is because the band is just RoboWill right now."
Me- "Why are they covering, though? Shouldn't they be trying to tell everyone about us and stop the robots?"
Mike- "Some people are just bad, Creep..."
We took our crappy van to talk with those monsters we know as admins.
Me- "What was Lindsay's hobby again? Making sure threads appear in the right place or something, right?"
Jerry- "Yeah, I think. Hey, let's check this place out."
*pull into parking lot near dark, run down bar*
Will- "'The Drunk Thread Mover.' That has to be the coolest bar name of all time."
Me- "I know. It's almost like something I would come up with if I was typing quickly and didn't care about what I was saying."
Will- "Yeah, that was my first thought when I saw it."
We went inside, and it was just a crappy, dark little place. Someone got knifed as we were walking in. Those thread movers are tough, man. They get pretty wild. Someone was sitting at the bar with their hood up, and as we watched, a familiar looking dog sat next to her. I motioned to the guys to wait around and cover me as I approached.
Me- "Hey, I'm lost, can you give me directions to, say... Aliceinchains.com?"
Person who might be Lindsay- *turns to look at me* "I don't want to talk about that."
Me- "Why not?"
Person who might be Lindsay- *looks back down at drink* "I... I shouldn't talk about it."
Me- "Come on, you can tell me whatever."
Dog- *growls*
Person who might be Lindsay- "No, I can't. Your stupid question tells me you already know all you need to about me. Now go away."
Me- "You just tell me why you're covering for the robots, and I'll go."
Lindsay- "I can't tell you that."
Me- "Why not?"
Lindsay- *glances around* "Look, I'm not allowed to say. Please, just leave me alone. I don't want us to be seen together again."
Me- "You know what? Fine. If you're too afraid for yourself to help us out, so be it."
Lindsay- *sighs* "It's forcing us to act normal. We watch the Daily Show, we knew what was going on. But it keeps threatening us. That thing keeps saying that it'll give Sludge my address if I say anything, and... No. I couldn't do it. Just... Stop that thing. Make this long, drawn out problem end."
Me- "You poor thing... Sludge? That's low."
Lindsay- "I've said too much. He's probably on his way already, that freak. Go now, don't make my sacrifice be in vain. I owe it to the real Alice. Now go!"
We left the bar and started driving aimlessly.
Me- "I can't believe it... She revealed her location to her ex-stalker to help us..."
Will- "She's brave. I can't say that about Gwen, though. She didn't do shit."
Me- "In her defense, we didn't find her."
Mike- "Nah, we sat down at her table. She was there. She just gave us the company line, "Of course Baldy's real! God, you guys are morons!" It's almost like she believed what she was saying. It was sad. I wonder what he was threatening her with."
Will- "Fun?"
Me- "Dude, that one was low."
Starr- "Hey, I've got no problem with her."
Me- "Me neither, man. Shut up."
Me- "So... The site just made that up last night, right?"
Will- "Yeah."
Jerry- "And Baldy still isn't real?"
Will- "Yeah."
Me- "So that was just a really long save to bring more, uh, credibilty to our story, right?"
Will- "Yeah. That was pretty much it. You're covered for the future, too, cause Gwen the wimp is still gonna post as Baldy, even if Lindsay's better than that."
Me- "Why are you picking on Gwen? There's absolutely no reason for that."
Starr- "It is pretty uncalled for, dude."
Will- "I don't know. She isn't as involved I guess. Lindsay, she had the whole Sludge thing, but no one ever mentions Gwen. In fact, it seems kind of suspicious. Like, maybe she deletes every comment that talks about her. To be all mysterious. And hide the fact that she's a robot, too."
Me- "Dude. Just stop."
Will- "No! I'll flat out say it! Unless they come defend themselves, I'm calling Gwen, and Lindsay, robots! I have no reason to believe they aren't the Baldy, and therefore robots!"
HiP QWNS
