4/13/08

Scratch yesterday's plans...I'm not going to really do all of that.

 

It turns out.so I don't fail the first semester of next school year,I'll have to go to some other school,and take online classes so I'd pass.Great right?The only cons to this is....well...how am I supposed to see my friends?My older brother took online classes like the one's I'm going to take,and he finished the semester in about 3 weeks. What I'm trying to say is that I'm really bummed about this.Why does is have to be this way...I finally find someone for my own,find a place to belong after all these years of outcastment in my life,and now,I only have 29 days left to be there. The feeling is like that of...sacrifice almost.Sacrificing the things that are dear to me for the benefit of my own. Everyday that passes,I dread that I won't be going to the same school this August,but I know I can't have it any other way.(And pass that is.)

I feel like...I'm taking weight of the world on my shoulders...I've lost my childhood,I've lost my innocence;and now,I'm going to lose my first ever best friend,and someone I love.

-Mariah-

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"For every star is formed in fire, and so it goes for you. And every face along your path, sees your heart is true." DuVall/Constantine

4/14/08

 Today seemed to be very great.I slightly asked out Pat,he's the one I think is interested in me.He told me that he's have to see if he was Free Sunday,so we could do something.I hope so,his birthday is Friday,and he works Saturday,so I doubt I could go out with him them.But for his birthday,I'm planning to give him a Les Paul shaped necklace,alomg with a tuffed animal.(I know,a guy has to be tough,but hey...) I tried to tell him the news,(from which I posted yesterday) but he seemed so happy,I didn't want to bring him down,I could tell it made his best friend sad when I told him...it feels so wierd to type this,I'm calm on the outside,but inside,my mind is going into an emotional beserk,typing this,I feel...raw.

 I always wished that I was born about 20 years before I really was,and now that thought seems so...wierd.But hell,I bet someone's reading this,and thinking to themself,"Get a life damnit!They're just some people you know.You'll make more damn friends when you move." In this position,I'd never say that to anyone,or even think that anymore.It's a bit inconsiderate you know,not even giving out the empathy and that it could happen to you too.

If I can't be my own....

-Mariah-

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growing up, i had to leave friends behind too and it was tough.  but i've been around a while now and there are some friends i won't see for a couple of years and it's like we've never been apart.  easier said than done, but just try to keep in touch with 'em.  have fun with pat!

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^ qwning sig by creep!

i've been in the AF for 8 years and have seen a lot of good friends come and go. most of them i never heard from after they, or i moved/transferred to different bases/got out. it really sucks cause some of the coolest people i've met were in the AF and i'll never see them again. that's one of the main reasons i got out of active duty. really there's only like 3 or 4 of the friends that i met in the AF that i still keep in touch with. two of them are coming to visit me next month.

anyways, i know how you feel. it fuckin sucks! lately i've been thinking about my years at Langley AFB, VA and all the people i used to hang out and party with there. great times! the best years of my life! i miss those days dammit!!

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Punky Lunky had sex with Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

So true,it's a love hate love relationship.I can't really say anything that all too bad about the Military either,if it hadn't been for it,I'd be in some Chicago ghetto.(I'm just telling the truth.My Dad got in so we wouldn't live in such a harsh envionment.Gotta love a guy like that.)

I remeber,we had first moved to North Carolina,and when I was four,my mom had my get the broom.Now,the house was filled with roaches,and as soon as I opened the closet door,BAM! a roach fell on my arm,squirming and all.

Good times,good times... It's pretty fun to move though,get to site see for about a week or two.When we first moved to Alaska,dolphins had swam alongside our boat,what I'm still in shock about is how organized the dolphins swam,they were in perfect rows,in perfect numbers!

Yeah,the AF does have it's pros and cons...once we had neighbors,(well,neighbors of our nieghbors) where the wife was part of the Turkish Mafia.

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4/15/08

I just woke up from a needed nap.But,let me tell you about what happened before that nap...

 Before: At lunch Pat,Rachel and a few others were talking about dreams.We all talked about dreams we had,and then Pat brought up this one dream he had...about a girl he dated for about 2 months and then she dumped him.He said he didin't want the girl to dump him,and he still liked her when she did....And there I sat,planning to go out with him this Sunday,and he brings some chic that he still eanted to date...So I spent the rest of the day(up until my nap) sad,and confused.I thought that he was into me...but *sigh*

After the Nap: I had this dream where he was willing to pick me up,when I was half dead on the ground,isn't that sweet?So I decided,that it was maybe just a slip up,or it was just him,being a guy.I hope that is was just him,being a guy.

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4/20/08

Well,Friday was Pat's birthday.He was really happy with the present I gave him,that makes me happy.Even though we were supposed to do something this sunday,we decided to postpone it until next sunday,that way he would know his work schedule better that way. That's all fine with me,as long as we get the time together...alone...

I emphasize the word alone because his best friend,gaahh!(I might have already pointed this out already,but..) His best friend keeps getting in the way! Friday,I wanted to talk to Pat,alone,and yet his best friend comes along with us. *sigh* Next time,I'm not going to be so polite about it.

-Mariah-

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5/9/08

Well, well well....what do we have here?Next Wednesday,I have an appointment...to check for anemia..

Other than that,I can't really think of anything new that's happened.

 Sorry to just leave and not post a giant essay of events. :[

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5/10/08

Apparently there's this day called Pangea day,and I just heard about it today.And there's no way I can watch it unless I want to spend four hours on the computer staring at the screen.

I would like to say though,that I really love this forum.It's like a home,with close-knit people.It just feels really great to be here,there's atmoshpere,so relaxed,so homey...so...tranquil.

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5/14/08

 Well,today's the day of my appointment.wish me luck.I'm going to be staying home until it's time to go,my mom doesn't really want to pick me up from school.(Even thogh we live so close to it,and the hospitol is close to my school)

I wish I could go though,but then,I always find myself with nothing to do at school most of the time.

The Senior graduation was Monday,I felt really sad,watching it.I had some good friends that were seniors,and now...they're gone.Hopefully,someday,oneday,I'll see them again.Out of all the ones that graduated,I'll miss my friend Kevin,and a past...er...boyfriend....Daniel that graduated.(Daniel and I weren't officially together,but we had something between us.) I'm so happy for Kevin,He was so close to not graduating,but he did,that makes me so happy!I feel really proud to know him.

-Mariah-

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hey mariah, i hope the doc zeros in on the problem right away.  you'll have your strength back in no time!

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^ qwning sig by creep!

5/14/08

Ok...erm...I came back from the doc's...and the results are ponting to....

Asthma?

What a monkey wrench.

-Mariah-

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Hmm, I thought for sure anemia, but then again I got my degree in accounting.  Let us know how that goes, I have a bunch of friends w/asthma and it seems to be pretty easily treatable for the folks I know.  Good luck!!  Breathe in, breathe out!

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5/15/08

I really thought it was anemia too.hm...

Well,everything seems so bland,I just want to move already.I hate it here.Everyone seems to exclude me now...but then...I want to be alone at times. But that's no reason for everyone I know to just leave me out of everything! I try so hard to get in touch with them...but it never seems to work.

I felt so tired during school today,I just wanted to go home and sleep after lunch.My chest started to hurt really bad,so I went to the nurse.(To just get out of class.I never really trust school nurses anyway) Ofcourse,she said it was just spring fever(Throughout the winter?For two years?).

You know,listening to Alice is making me feel better already.(Mentally)

-Mariah-

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