Nah, it's just a pointless rant. Fooled you.
Ok, Guitar Hero sucks, concept wise. If you sit down all day and play it alone, you also suck. But if you're being super competitive and you enjoy smack talking and play it with like minded people, it is fun. So, after playing for a while with my mom today, the stunning number of problems with the game was dawning on me.
"Legends of Rock"- I won't argue Slash, he's good, same with Morello, even though I'm not a huge fan of his. But, someone, please tell me when Dime became NOT the best guitarist to ever live. I don't remember that ever happening. And if they just didn't get permission to use him, ok, that's cool, the game does suck, I'd understand. But then they shouldn't call it that, if they can't actually put legends in it. Even if they couldn't use Dime, there's still Cantrell, Wilton, Jabs, Hammett, Iommi, Thayil, Kruspe... The list goes on.
Song Difficulty- What the hell? Not only is it wrong that every moron teenager thinks that Dragonforce has the best guitarist of all time (see above with Dime), since when is it possible for a song to be HARDER using 5 buttons than it is in real life?! If you pick up a guitar and can't play the intro to One perfectly by try 2, you must be missing your left (or right) hand. But you can totally blow that thing, miss a few notes, all that on GHIII. Same with Raining Blood, I can play the intro to it no problem, but on GH, it's kind of impossible to play, on medium. And, conversely, with the Dragonforce thing, it makes Poison look like noobs (CC is good, I'll give the band that), Heart look like nothing, Alice look like nothing...
Timing- If you're going to make the game, do it right. Damn. There's something wrong with the fact that I can play Barracuda on guitar but, apparently, I can't on GH, since they decided their timing is cooler.
Covers- Ok. If I didn't know the bands already, I would not listen to the Foos, Alice, Heart, Nirvana, or the Scorpions. I'd see no reason to pursue them, when, out of most other bands that have the real lead vocals, these guys apparently are unoriginal and suck.
Pre-Song Comments- In the loading screen, it always has some comment. Most of them rag on bassists. Thank you, GH, for pretending we're irrelevant. Man, every other band on there must really be dumb, having a bassist instead of a mini fridge.
"No Stairway"- Wow. In GHII, that's one of the loading screens. Freebird, that's cool. War Pigs and Paranoid, Rock You Like A Hurricane, no problem. It's cool to only play mainstream songs. Just not Stairway, another classic. Nooo...
Whammy Bar- You gain points for slaughtering songs with it? If you got up on stage and dove on every single note you hit, you'd get booed off. It's not a magical object that can be used all the time to improve a song. It's part of the song. When you have to use it, you do.
Gibson- You get one brand of guitars? That's really lame. The only Gibson guitar I like is the Explorer. Why not get some BC Rich and Dean in there? Or just some flat out Fender? How can you seriously have a game that only involves the most mainstream and commercial stuff and not have a Strat?
Characters- You get what, 8 or something? When pretty much every other game out gives you this insane face creating interface, you have like 8 people to pick from. Yay. It's like picking between Pac Man and Ms Pac Man.
'Storyline'- So, you get to watch these little videos of what's happening between sets. What about the part where you don't get signed because cover bands don't?
Battles- Ok, so first off, Tom Morello and Slash need to cheat to beat you? Yeah. And, with the cheating, if you break a string, not only does it not let you use a FRET, you have to tap it, and it's magically fixed. Woah. If that's all you have to do to get a new string, I wouldn't be paying ten bucks a pack for Blue Steels.
Missing Notes- In game land, you can get like 95% of the notes or something, sometimes less, and get a 4 or 5 star review. In real life land, you can play and miss 1 or 2 notes, and everyone realizes you shouldn't be on that stage.
Star Power- This goes with missing notes in general, but in most cases, non guitar-playing GH players seem to miss notes when using star power, since you have to tilt the guitar. You get a multiplier, and on stage, your person does a special move. In real life, if you try to show off, and then fail, you'd get laughed off stage.
Star Power II- I'll offer an improvement. You should have sensors on both arms and legs. And you have to entertain the crowd while playing. And at the end, it'll be like "The solo behind the head was cool, so you get 5 stars" or "I've seen someone wearing concrete shoes move more, 3 stars."
Bragging Rights?- So, it's cool to be like "I beat (song) on expert!" but it's not cool to be like "Yeah, my level 26 mage has a +5/+5 Staff of Healing and full Mithril..."
Ball's in your court, Guitar Hero.
HiP QWNS
