I write this to keep my mind from wandering...
Ever have a really good day?
Just to have it turn to a terrible day in the span of 6 seconds?
I'm home for a few minutes right now after spending a lot of the past few hours (seems like weeks) away from home in a place I really don't like to be...
Yesterday had gone pretty smooth, work was good, and even a slight set back of someone I know getting into a car accident didn't turn my mood.
I was feeling pretty excited and nervous after work. I came home and ate a little something, and practiced the songs again, before getting ready, and leaving to do my set.
I didn't get the time slot I originally wanted, but that didn't matter. I ended up going on second after the guy before me did a pretty good job... He too was playing an original, and was going to only play the one, but the few of us that were there early enough, urged him on to play some other stuff. So He played a few covers and became more at ease with each song. I'm glad I wasn't the first one... because seeing him relax after the first song showed me i'd be able to do the same. He finished and the growing crowd (about 15 of us at the time), gave him a big round of applause.
I was next...
I was a litlle calmer than I thought I would be before I stepped up to the mic(s). But he nerves started to settle in as i approached the "stage". I sat and checked the level of the mic and thinking that it was fine, introduced the first song (Hollow & Empty) and started in. I'm sure there's going to be a bit of a warble in my voice as the song begins in the video. But as I progressed through the song, I just sort of fell into my own little space, and played the song. As with the guy before me, as I progressed through the song, i became a little more at ease.
After I finished the 1st song, I got a pretty good applause. It felt good having gotten that first song out without too much of any problems other than a little bit of nerves. After all, I get terrible stage fright, and since I no longer drink, I don't really have any way to cut the edge off of the nervousness. The owner came and adjusted the volume (he turned it up louder...), and I went into the next song (When My Tears Subside) after a brief intro of it and went through it without a problem.
The crowd had grown by a few more people by the time I had finished the second song. I made the mistake of looking out at the crowd, and the jitters started to settle in. I said the name of my third song (Hollow Shell), and started that one, went ok for the most part, but I think I messed up a few parts because I was thinking about the growing crowd.
I made it through that song relatively unscathed, but my mouth had gone dry, and I had started paying too much attention to the number of people in the place. I gave an introduction to "Fade Away", and think I screwed up the way I came up with the song as I did so... I'll have to check later. I set up the capo on the guitar, and started in on the song... I made it about half way through the first verse before I blanked on the words, and my throat constricted with some last remainder of the illness I had last week... I stoppped and cleared my throat. I started over and tried to focus on the song that I thought would be he easiest to play... boy was I wrong... I played it through decently, but started blanking again on the last verse... (forgive me Cathy). Maybe something was making sure the song wasn't going to be about someone else close to me... (that last line will be explained a little further on). I managed to work through the rest of the song, and after finishing received a nice applause.
I stepped away and went to sit with my supporters that came with me. I don't think I checked the size of the crowd at that point, but after the next guy started... I looked around and there must've been between 30 - 40 people in there at that point. The owner came up and shook my hand, thanked me, and said that I did a great job. Whew... what a relief... for one such as me who tends to be a perfectionist and was berating myself mentally for screwing up the last song so bad, I really needed to hear that.
The only thing that I missed was my brother being there. He had said he'd do his best to show up and hadn't made it. I didn't think too much about it at first because he, like me, has a job that takes much of our free time.
I enjoyed the next guy very much, he had a great charisma about him and even got the crowd to sing along with some of the stuff he did. The first song he did was an accoustic medley playing the same chords, but interjecting different song lyrics... what a way to hear the "Milkshake" song... I laughed hard at that one... My kids had no idea what I was laughing at... Guess I'll have to explain that one at a later time...
By the time he was finishing up, my kids had grown bored at having to sit in a coffee shop with me and having to listen to people play guitar. I wished they were older, and could have standed staying longer, but maybe they knew something I didn't.
No sooner had I sat in the car, getting ready to pull away, whan my cell rang...
I picked it up to hear the distress in my brothers voice right away...
In the span of the 6 seconds it took him to tell me our father had had a heart attack, my day crumbled.
I have a gift and a curse it seems... I can remain calm in the worst of situations... I've had a gun pointed at me and told if I move I'll have my f*****' brains blown out, and not even blink an eye (of course after that situation was ended... that's another story...). This was another of those situations. Now my brother on the other hand wears his heart on his sleeve, and not only did he have this to deal with, but also the fact that his pregnant wife was also at the hospital at the same time with some complications of some sort not pertaining to the unborn child. So he was getting a double whammy.
My father was at a nearby hospital, but they were transporting him to a hospital better equipped and staffed with heart specialists. I listened to all the details from him and got going. I rushed home to get some stuff for the kids to keep them occupied, and then raced across town.
I arrived moments after my mom, and caught up with her at the security check in. I get my ability to stay calm from her, and as others might see it as indifference, it is anything but... (our minds race and assemble all the possibilities and what we need to do and who we need to talk to and how are we going to handle this situation and what if? and so on and so on) we made our way up to the CCU, and got lost in the process... we managed to find our way there and sat and waited as my father had only just arrived before us, and was getting hooked up to all the monitors. Little did we know, that on the trip over he had to be brought back with use of the defibulator.
Nothing like sitting in a waiting room not knowing what is going on...
it seemed like forever sitting there passing the time with those that were there. We were finally called back to see him.
I can't describe the next part for fear of breaking down... so I'll pass over it for now. After we were informed of everything that had ahppened, and what is planned, the doctor sent us home to rest. Like thats going to happen... My poor brother had just shown up minutes before we were leaving. We filled him in and sat as some additional forms were filled out, then left to go home, and wait.
So here I sit and wait before heading back... trying to keep my mind from wandering...
Yeah... like my mind isn't going to wander....
Soooo let's continue on...
I haven't had the chance to even look at the video yet, and don't know when I will.
I don't want to get started on downlaoding it for fear of getting the "call".
Well maybe I'll try to do as the doctor suggested and try to get a bit of rest...
More later...
And if it seems o.k. I'll post the video too
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
